I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
