But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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