I think I just saw someone hide a body.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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