you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
