Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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