I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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