WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
