Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
