their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
