I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize