How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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