while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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