How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
