I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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