it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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