you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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