Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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