just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
