Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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