Pants 0. Shit 1.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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