he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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