And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
