I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just invented taco cereal.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
