I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
