Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
