he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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