Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
