don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize