found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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