fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
