im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize