is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
