he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
