We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Randomize
