I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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