Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
