i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
