I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize