i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
