This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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