oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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