Pants 0. Shit 1.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
