I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
