He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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