He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
