I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
