id be glad to
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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