Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
