I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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