i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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