She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
