Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
