Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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