On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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