Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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