By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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