I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
