I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
