I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
