Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
