Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
