All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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