So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
