the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
