My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
