not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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