I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
