I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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