What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
